How to Be the Best Maid of HonorFrom the moment your friend switches her Facebook status to “Engaged” you can bet her mind starts racing with wedding thoughts! One of the first things a girl considers when planning her wedding is who will be standing next to her. In fact, I think most girls would admit they have the girls picked out long before they know which guy they will be standing next to.
Not only have we interacted with many bridal parties while coordinating weddings, but each of us has also been the Maid of Honor (and bridesmaid) for multiple weddings, not to mention having our own weddings ourselves. Here are some tips we’ve learned, both firsthand and through observation, which we want to share so that you can rock out in your role as the Maid of Honor.
ONLY say YES if you truly mean it.
Most of you will probably gloss over this because, presumably if you’re reading this post, you’ve already committed to standing up in the wedding. However, this truly is the first step you must take before you can be a good MOH.
Most women don’t understand that being asked to stand up in a wedding is just that- it’s a REQUEST. Nobody is forcing you. When you accept, you’re accepting the responsibilities that come along with it. Too often we hear members of the bridal party complaining about being in the wedding when, in reality, you said yes. It’s an honor that someone wants you to be by their side on their wedding day so if you know you simply can’t fulfill the traditional role of the Maid of Honor, be honest with your friend.
Things to think through before saying yes:
Budget- Can you reasonably cover the costs that come with the responsibility? Most girls just plan on buying a dress, but additional costs may include throwing & attending a bridal shower, bachelorette party, shower and wedding gifts, hair/makeup for the wedding day, and shoes or other accessories the bride requests you have for the big day (ie matching shirts, anyone??)
Life Circumstances- Are you graduating from school the month of her wedding? Moving across the country? Are you engaged yourself? A wise man once said, “Life happens.” And that it does! While you aren’t expected to devote 100% of your attention on your friend’s wedding, be honest with yourself. If you know you won’t be able to balance it all, it may be necessary to politely decline; or, offer to help in a different low-key way.
Help her plan HER wedding day.
Help your friend plan the wedding SHE is dreaming of. Not you. The wedding that SHE is envisioning. Not the one you’re envisioning for her. HER wedding. Not yours.…..
Ladies, you’re the Maid of Honor. You’re her friend, confidant, advocate, wingman, secret-keeper- but you are not the bride. Enough said.
Be the Maid of Honor she needs you to be
To be honest, most pieces of advice fall under this! Here’s the deal- you know your friend! To be honest, there are sides of her that you’ve seen that her fiancé may not have even been exposed to it. That’s the beauty of a true friend. Each bride has different strengths and weaknesses, different life situations, different time constraints, etc. Your role in Jackie’s wedding may not be the same as that time you were in Ashley’s. Jackie may be an independent, Type-A project manager who honestly doesn’t need you to call the photographer for her ; however, her parents just got divorced so your main job on the wedding day may simply be to keep them apart! Or, your job may literally just be to drink champagne with her on the wedding day and tell her how much you love the dress (Yes, of course youll shorten it and wear it again!)
Listen to your friend and ask her what SHE needs; be her advocate when she needs that extra voice in her corner. When a bride knows she has you in her corner to help her out wherever she needs it most it makes a world of a difference!
Let her cry over spilled milk
I cannot tell you what it will be, but I guarantee there will be at least one seemingly simple thing during the wedding planning process that will push her over the edge. And sorry chicas, but if you haven’t been engaged before, you can sympathize- but you won’t understand. But in this case, your job isn’t to understand, just listen.
When the rental company only has white linens instead of ivory, sympathize.
When the florist can’t get in spray buds like she thought they could, sympathize.
When her fiancé and her can’t agree on the cake topper, sympathize.
When she wants the string quartet version of her first dance and all the DJ can find is a piano version…
…. And one more thing. Make sure she’s told a RIDICULOUS amount of times on her wedding day just how stunning she is and that her fiance is THE luckiest guy in the whole world to have her. What more could a bride ask for??